FLOATING IN DREAMS

The other day I came across a post on a Dutch beauty blog where readers were asked whether they’d rather be married to a professional soccer player or be a career woman. The contrast was presented quite black and white: married to a soccer player means you’re not financially independent, you always stand behind THE man and you are best known for your good looks and spending money like water. The career woman on the other hand was presented as never being home, with no time to spend the money she makes, but she is the sole provider for the family, though she never sees her kids.

Most comments I read favored being married to a soccer player over being a career woman. To me, a financially independent young woman with ambitions so high it could burn a hole in the sky, that was quite shocking and made me wonder: Am I the only female on this planet who could care less about raising a family and getting married in the first place and is more focused on building a career for herself than anything else?

First of all, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only female on the planet, but I definitely seem to be a rare specimen of the female species. I haven’t met many girls who feel the way I do or who live their lives the way I do. I actually think I have yet to meet someone like me. I like doing things by myself, for myself and with myself. I like being alone. It’s when I’m at my best. This goes for a lot of things: from vacations, to work, to concerts, to dance classes. I don’t like doing EVERYTHING with EVERYBODY. To top things off, I don’t like building deeper social connections with people except for a few select individuals who I have known for a long time.

I ~~like~~ love my independence and could never imagine having to depend on anyone else. In fact I hate being dependent on others. I have been financially independent since I moved out for college, which was nearly 10 years ago. Ten years of paying my own bills, sorting out my own problems and taking care of myself. The only time I allowed anyone to take care of me was when I crashed back in 2008. At that time it was absolutely necessary as I couldn’t do anything anymore, and unless I’m rendered completely useless again I don’t think I’ll depend on anyone any time soon.

Add to this my slightly obsessive nature and you have the right concoction for someone who cannot even begin to IMAGINE living on someone else’s money, let alone actually wanting to do so. I like being in control and having the know how to get things done. It is something I pride myself in and to become a soccer player’s wife who follows hubby dearest wherever he goes, living off his money and only being known for being the pretty wife-of is a downright horror story to me.

I hate being called pretty to begin with. Call me smart and I’ll except that as a compliment. I like being known for being professional, organized and intelligent. I don’t want to be on a man’s arm just so he can show me off to the world. It’s just not something I appreciate or enjoy doing. The funny thing is that I have met guys who CLAIM that they are after independent girls, but I have YET to meet one who actually acts like it too. It’s the main reason why I’m single and until I find a guy who can go beyond shallow statements because he thinks it will make me feel good, I think that situation won’t stop any time soon.

My choice is obvious: I would definitely opt for being a career woman. The only alteration to the situation I would make is that there won’t be a family to provide for unless you count the family as consisting of me, myself and I. That’s right: I’m not looking to start a family. Right now, even a relationship isn’t something I’m looking for. I simply don’t feel the need to, never have. I’m not saying I never will, but right now the focus lies with my career and if I eventually happen to meet someone worth my time I’m sure things will change. Until then, I have other goals to reach.

What would you pick: soccer wife or career woman? Let me know in a comment below.

21 responses to “The choices we make in life”

eugenie1505

February 9, 2012

I def. choose career woman! It’s the path I have been on for years and I feel like the only thing that matters in my situation right now is earning a place within society. My main goal is to not live on welfare anymore and making my own money. But… it couldn’t hurt to find someone along the way, because it would make things in life a lot easier to handle.
Like you I like being alone and doing things my way. It’s just that in the end it would be nice to have someone to share things with. Someone who needs his own space as well every now and then and goes for what he wants.

indiequeen84

February 9, 2012

Couldn’t agree more with you! Amen sister!

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Karin

February 9, 2012

Ik begrijp je helemaal! Ik ben ook altijd best wel op mezelf geweest. Gewoon lekker mijn eigen ding doen! Ja ik ben al bijna 10 jaar samen met mijn vriend en woon al 6 jaar samen, dus helemaal op mezelf is het niet. Maar het gebeurd vaak genoeg dat we dingen apart doen en dat mensen beetje ‘raar’ vinden. Ook zie ik mijn familie niet dagelijks of wekelijks. En als ik ergens geen zin in heb, heb ik dat gewoon niet. Ik heb ook geen tientallen vriendinnen. Die paar die ik heb weten hoe ik in elkaar zit en het is niet erg als we elkaar paar maanden niet zien. Maar toch vind ik het erg fijn dat die mensen in mijn leven zijn, zodat je toch dingen kan delen.
En ondanks dat ik dit jaar 29 word heb ik nog geen behoefte aan kinderen oid al wil mijn omgeving dit maar al te graag :p Vind het heerlijk om te doen en laten wat ik wil. Ik ben ook niet financieel afhankelijk van mijn vriend, ik heb mijn eigen baan en mijn eigen geld. Zou het niet anders willen!

Goed stuk!

indiequeen84

February 9, 2012

Thanks en ja als ik zo’n relatie zou hebben zou dat perfect zijn. Nu alleen nog een vent vinden die ook zo in elkaar steekt.

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AlaBella

February 9, 2012

I don’t think having a career and being independent are incompatible with having someone in your life. I have someone in my life, and we’re both financially independent and ambitious. And while we’re living together, we both have our friends and go out separately occasionally. I think it’s healthy in a relationship to have some time without each other. It’s all about balance and respect … OK, and a bit compromise.

indiequeen84

February 9, 2012

I don’t think they are incompatible either, it’s just that I haven’t found anyone who is compatible with me yet. Till that time I’d rather spend my time single than trying desperately to belong to someone who isn’t right for me. I tried that and it didn’t make me happy.

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Wesley King

February 9, 2012

I wish I understood why these stereotypes persist, but then again, I wonder that frequently. I think you and every other woman (or man) should have the freedom to attack life in whatever manner they wish as long as it doesn’t interfere with anyone else’s right to do likewise. While I find being partnered to be important to me, you need to fit whatever mold is most comfortable to you. If you need plenty of space and alone time, so be it.

I very nearly wrote some things in reply here that hijacked this into a social debate, but I just deleted those remarks. Suffice it to say that it’s frustrating to me that many people seem intent on instilling their views, their morals, their beliefs onto others. That’s really what creates and propagates these stereotypes to begin with, and it’s unfortunate that some work that way.

I think it’s awesome that you know who you are, you know what you want, and you’re not afraid to either say it, or to go after it. I should think that would be appealing to any number of guys, but perhaps many (or even most) men find it intimidating.

One more quick item, and please forgive me… Given your command of English, I’d wager this was a typo, but since it’s one of my pet peeves, I’ll point it out anyway. You said, “Am I the only female on this planet who could care less about raising a family…” I think you mean COULDN’T care less, not could. If you could care less, it means you actually do care about that which you’re referring. (Like I said, forgive me for questioning your very clear command of English… If my Dutch was even 5% as good…) 😉

indiequeen84

February 9, 2012

Oh yeah I totally get your social debate reference. I was raised believing I had to get married and have kids in order to be happy. Luckily my closest family and friends all understand where I’m coming from. It’s just outsiders who think it’s odd that I’m in my late 20s without clear aspirations to start a family any time soon.

As for the couldn’t care less vs could care less thing: isn’t less already a negative word? Which is why couldn’t is wrong because two negatives equal a positive? That was just my reason for writing could care less. I could be wrong though! Am still a non-native speaker of Engish afterall

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1. Wesley King
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  On could vs. couldn’t… “I can care less” suggests (literally) that you are, in fact, capable of caring still less than you presently do. If you’re expressing indifference, as you were, then presumably you already care to the least possible extent to which you are capable. Thus, you could not possibly care any less than you do, and hence, “I couldn’t care less.” As my Dutch friend often tells me about Dutch issues like this, “I can’t really explain it very well, I just know it’s wrong.” However, this is one a lot of people get wrong.
  
  Also know I’m not picking on you. As you already know, I’m endlessly fascinated by language “things” like this. And I’ve been clear you still amaze me! 😉
  
  As for all the independence stuff, one more remark: I find it unfortunate that we’re all even having this discussion. Then again, I think most men are pretty broken when it comes to relationships. Maybe it’s in our genes. *sigh*
  
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2. indiequeen84
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  Ah thanks for clearing that up! I know you’re not picking on me. I actually appreciate it when I find out where I go wrong from time to time. Learning a language is a continuous process that never stops. So thanks for pointing out the difference. And it’s not just men who are broken when it comes to relationships ;-).
  
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AWO

February 9, 2012

And how many males do you know who think along the same lines? Most career men want the wife and kids, even though they don’t spend as much time with them as they should. How many men live their lives completely alone and, like you, have only a few select friends? Difference is… if a woman chooses this way of life everybody wonders ‘what’s wrong?’, if man does the same he’s an eligible bachelor… ‘Meten met twee maten’ or am I mistaken? And yes, you’re a career woman for sure, you’ve made that choice ages ago. You were, are and always will be like that, because it’s part of you. To a certain extent I recognise this, maybe because of my own view on life. Then again: career guy in education…? Don’t make me laugh 😀
Oh and about being called pretty: ‘beauty has no brain, but brains can have beauty’ 😉

indiequeen84

February 9, 2012

Yes it’s definitely a double standard. If a guy is a workaholic it doesn’t seem to be a problem but when a girl does the same thing it’s out of the ordinary. As for the last quote: that is one I need to remember, do you know where it came from/ who said it?

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1. AWO
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  Ha, about the quote: I haven’t got a clue where or when I’ve picked it up. Could I have dreamt it up myself…? Would be nice to think so…
  Or otherwise we have to follow Dorothy Parkers famous example.
  ‘If, with the literate, I am
  Impelled to try an epigram,
  I never seek to take the credit;
  We all assume that Oscar said it.’
  
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axelleeee

February 9, 2012

Nice to read !

indiequeen84

February 9, 2012

Thank you!

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AWildDog

February 9, 2012

To be honest – I wouldn’t really pick either. I like both.

I decided in college that I didn’t want the type of career where I’m working all hours, stressing myself out, having no time for friends and family or myself for that matter. It’s not that I think the two are incompatible – not at all – but that’s the type of career that I don’t want for myself. I definitely don’t want to be working for a boss/company/whatever where they ask me to eat, sleep and breath work.
I think there is more to life that work and/or a career – but also if I had a job that I really loved, then yes – I would be more devoted to it. More willing to do some over time. Wanting to succeed at it. I was a volunteer/work experience countryside ranger a few years back – I had to get up at 6am, to get to the ranger station for 9am (I’m NOT a morning person!). I’d be doing physical work – laying paths, putting up nest boxes, dealing with difficult farmers, doing educational walks with the public. I was really tired from it. I did the same hours as the full time rangers 9-5 5 days a week. Except – I wanted more, so I did 6 days week – probably couldn’t have kept that up all the time – but it’s the one job I’ve had that I really did enjoy.

As you probably already know – I do like to be in a relationship – but I have to say, I’m also not one for being all “single is horrible!” either. On the arm candy front though – not for me. I like to have my own money but I don’t mind depending on someone (to a certain degree). I don’t think it’s healthy to be totally dependant on one person – perhaps it’s just my bruised heart showing on this but if it happens to go wrong – you still need your own things, the things that are YOU not “us”.
I think maybe if I did have a family – I would perhaps like to take a few years out to nurture it – but again, even if I didn’t have my career on the go, I would still have things that I like to do.

I do also echo your sentiment on the alone time – I don’t really go out places on my own but I like to relax on my own.

Gotta ask tho – don’t you talk to anyone if your upset or something?

indiequeen84

February 9, 2012

If I talk to someone when I’m upset that’s a sign that I’m doing bad and something is really wrong. I write things down when I am in a rut and I sometimes call my mom, but that happens only once in a blue moon. I mostly just deal with it myself. I give it a cry, or I’ll hit a wall or something and that will get my anger/ frustration out. But I do have to say that I work out to get rid of negative emotions. Body Combat classes really do help because you can just imagine an annoying person and pretend to beat them up while you’re in the class. 😉

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1. AWildDog
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  I think you need to teach me to get rid of negative emotions lol!
  
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Noelle

February 10, 2012

That is a definite incorrect black and white picture indeed. A soccer wife? Hell no. If that means I am financially dependent, have no career of my own and need to focus my life around his job? No thanks, I pass. Do I want my own career? For sure. But I also want a man that can take of me, to a certain extent. I am all for splitting everything 50/50 (my boyfriend and I split the bills, vacation, groceries, etc), except for nights out, he will most likely pay because he earns a lot of money. But I would not feel right if he would pay for groceries, etc. I love having my own money, and that’s why I also do not understand why some women want to be stay at home mothers. This means that if you go shopping, you are shopping with your husband’s money…? Say what? Um, again, I pass. If I buy something for me, it will be my own money that I am spending.

Also, I love being alone. Really, the only true friend I have is my boyfriend. He is my best friend and other than him, there’s no one. I don’t need more people around me. It will only bother me. I don’t understand how some people have active social lives and want to be around others all the time. No, I can be alone perfectly fine!

Noelle

February 10, 2012

That said though, I absolutely want to get married and have children, but I am strong and wise enough to know that it is possible to balance the two. I will not give up my career for my children. I don’t believe that to be healthy, sitting at home, doing dishes, cleaning the house and wiping children’s butts all day long.

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1. indiequeen84
  
  February 10, 2012
  
  Marriage is not something on my bucketlist but it’s not something I will exclude from the possibilities. For me, it really depends on who I end up meeting.
  
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eugenie1505

February 9, 2012

I def. choose career woman! It’s the path I have been on for years and I feel like the only thing that matters in my situation right now is earning a place within society. My main goal is to not live on welfare anymore and making my own money. But… it couldn’t hurt to find someone along the way, because it would make things in life a lot easier to handle.
Like you I like being alone and doing things my way. It’s just that in the end it would be nice to have someone to share things with. Someone who needs his own space as well every now and then and goes for what he wants.

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1. indiequeen84
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  Couldn’t agree more with you! Amen sister!
  
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Karin

February 9, 2012

Ik begrijp je helemaal! Ik ben ook altijd best wel op mezelf geweest. Gewoon lekker mijn eigen ding doen! Ja ik ben al bijna 10 jaar samen met mijn vriend en woon al 6 jaar samen, dus helemaal op mezelf is het niet. Maar het gebeurd vaak genoeg dat we dingen apart doen en dat mensen beetje ‘raar’ vinden. Ook zie ik mijn familie niet dagelijks of wekelijks. En als ik ergens geen zin in heb, heb ik dat gewoon niet. Ik heb ook geen tientallen vriendinnen. Die paar die ik heb weten hoe ik in elkaar zit en het is niet erg als we elkaar paar maanden niet zien. Maar toch vind ik het erg fijn dat die mensen in mijn leven zijn, zodat je toch dingen kan delen.
En ondanks dat ik dit jaar 29 word heb ik nog geen behoefte aan kinderen oid al wil mijn omgeving dit maar al te graag :p Vind het heerlijk om te doen en laten wat ik wil. Ik ben ook niet financieel afhankelijk van mijn vriend, ik heb mijn eigen baan en mijn eigen geld. Zou het niet anders willen!

Goed stuk!

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1. indiequeen84
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  Thanks en ja als ik zo’n relatie zou hebben zou dat perfect zijn. Nu alleen nog een vent vinden die ook zo in elkaar steekt.
  
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AlaBella

February 9, 2012

I don’t think having a career and being independent are incompatible with having someone in your life. I have someone in my life, and we’re both financially independent and ambitious. And while we’re living together, we both have our friends and go out separately occasionally. I think it’s healthy in a relationship to have some time without each other. It’s all about balance and respect … OK, and a bit compromise.

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1. indiequeen84
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  I don’t think they are incompatible either, it’s just that I haven’t found anyone who is compatible with me yet. Till that time I’d rather spend my time single than trying desperately to belong to someone who isn’t right for me. I tried that and it didn’t make me happy.
  
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Wesley King

February 9, 2012

I wish I understood why these stereotypes persist, but then again, I wonder that frequently. I think you and every other woman (or man) should have the freedom to attack life in whatever manner they wish as long as it doesn’t interfere with anyone else’s right to do likewise. While I find being partnered to be important to me, you need to fit whatever mold is most comfortable to you. If you need plenty of space and alone time, so be it.

I very nearly wrote some things in reply here that hijacked this into a social debate, but I just deleted those remarks. Suffice it to say that it’s frustrating to me that many people seem intent on instilling their views, their morals, their beliefs onto others. That’s really what creates and propagates these stereotypes to begin with, and it’s unfortunate that some work that way.

I think it’s awesome that you know who you are, you know what you want, and you’re not afraid to either say it, or to go after it. I should think that would be appealing to any number of guys, but perhaps many (or even most) men find it intimidating.

One more quick item, and please forgive me… Given your command of English, I’d wager this was a typo, but since it’s one of my pet peeves, I’ll point it out anyway. You said, “Am I the only female on this planet who could care less about raising a family…” I think you mean COULDN’T care less, not could. If you could care less, it means you actually do care about that which you’re referring. (Like I said, forgive me for questioning your very clear command of English… If my Dutch was even 5% as good…) 😉

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1. indiequeen84
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  Oh yeah I totally get your social debate reference. I was raised believing I had to get married and have kids in order to be happy. Luckily my closest family and friends all understand where I’m coming from. It’s just outsiders who think it’s odd that I’m in my late 20s without clear aspirations to start a family any time soon.
  
  As for the couldn’t care less vs could care less thing: isn’t less already a negative word? Which is why couldn’t is wrong because two negatives equal a positive? That was just my reason for writing could care less. I could be wrong though! Am still a non-native speaker of Engish afterall
  
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  1. Wesley King
    
    February 9, 2012
    
    On could vs. couldn’t… “I can care less” suggests (literally) that you are, in fact, capable of caring still less than you presently do. If you’re expressing indifference, as you were, then presumably you already care to the least possible extent to which you are capable. Thus, you could not possibly care any less than you do, and hence, “I couldn’t care less.” As my Dutch friend often tells me about Dutch issues like this, “I can’t really explain it very well, I just know it’s wrong.” However, this is one a lot of people get wrong.
    
    Also know I’m not picking on you. As you already know, I’m endlessly fascinated by language “things” like this. And I’ve been clear you still amaze me! 😉
    
    As for all the independence stuff, one more remark: I find it unfortunate that we’re all even having this discussion. Then again, I think most men are pretty broken when it comes to relationships. Maybe it’s in our genes. *sigh*
    
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  2. indiequeen84
    
    February 9, 2012
    
    Ah thanks for clearing that up! I know you’re not picking on me. I actually appreciate it when I find out where I go wrong from time to time. Learning a language is a continuous process that never stops. So thanks for pointing out the difference. And it’s not just men who are broken when it comes to relationships ;-).
    
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AWO

February 9, 2012

And how many males do you know who think along the same lines? Most career men want the wife and kids, even though they don’t spend as much time with them as they should. How many men live their lives completely alone and, like you, have only a few select friends? Difference is… if a woman chooses this way of life everybody wonders ‘what’s wrong?’, if man does the same he’s an eligible bachelor… ‘Meten met twee maten’ or am I mistaken? And yes, you’re a career woman for sure, you’ve made that choice ages ago. You were, are and always will be like that, because it’s part of you. To a certain extent I recognise this, maybe because of my own view on life. Then again: career guy in education…? Don’t make me laugh 😀
Oh and about being called pretty: ‘beauty has no brain, but brains can have beauty’ 😉

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1. indiequeen84
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  Yes it’s definitely a double standard. If a guy is a workaholic it doesn’t seem to be a problem but when a girl does the same thing it’s out of the ordinary. As for the last quote: that is one I need to remember, do you know where it came from/ who said it?
  
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  1. AWO
    
    February 9, 2012
    
    Ha, about the quote: I haven’t got a clue where or when I’ve picked it up. Could I have dreamt it up myself…? Would be nice to think so…
    Or otherwise we have to follow Dorothy Parkers famous example.
    ‘If, with the literate, I am
    Impelled to try an epigram,
    I never seek to take the credit;
    We all assume that Oscar said it.’
    
    Loading…
axelleeee

February 9, 2012

Nice to read !

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1. indiequeen84
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  Thank you!
  
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AWildDog

February 9, 2012

To be honest – I wouldn’t really pick either. I like both.

I decided in college that I didn’t want the type of career where I’m working all hours, stressing myself out, having no time for friends and family or myself for that matter. It’s not that I think the two are incompatible – not at all – but that’s the type of career that I don’t want for myself. I definitely don’t want to be working for a boss/company/whatever where they ask me to eat, sleep and breath work.
I think there is more to life that work and/or a career – but also if I had a job that I really loved, then yes – I would be more devoted to it. More willing to do some over time. Wanting to succeed at it. I was a volunteer/work experience countryside ranger a few years back – I had to get up at 6am, to get to the ranger station for 9am (I’m NOT a morning person!). I’d be doing physical work – laying paths, putting up nest boxes, dealing with difficult farmers, doing educational walks with the public. I was really tired from it. I did the same hours as the full time rangers 9-5 5 days a week. Except – I wanted more, so I did 6 days week – probably couldn’t have kept that up all the time – but it’s the one job I’ve had that I really did enjoy.

As you probably already know – I do like to be in a relationship – but I have to say, I’m also not one for being all “single is horrible!” either. On the arm candy front though – not for me. I like to have my own money but I don’t mind depending on someone (to a certain degree). I don’t think it’s healthy to be totally dependant on one person – perhaps it’s just my bruised heart showing on this but if it happens to go wrong – you still need your own things, the things that are YOU not “us”.
I think maybe if I did have a family – I would perhaps like to take a few years out to nurture it – but again, even if I didn’t have my career on the go, I would still have things that I like to do.

I do also echo your sentiment on the alone time – I don’t really go out places on my own but I like to relax on my own.

Gotta ask tho – don’t you talk to anyone if your upset or something?

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1. indiequeen84
  
  February 9, 2012
  
  If I talk to someone when I’m upset that’s a sign that I’m doing bad and something is really wrong. I write things down when I am in a rut and I sometimes call my mom, but that happens only once in a blue moon. I mostly just deal with it myself. I give it a cry, or I’ll hit a wall or something and that will get my anger/ frustration out. But I do have to say that I work out to get rid of negative emotions. Body Combat classes really do help because you can just imagine an annoying person and pretend to beat them up while you’re in the class. 😉
  
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  1. AWildDog
    
    February 9, 2012
    
    I think you need to teach me to get rid of negative emotions lol!
    
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Noelle

February 10, 2012

That is a definite incorrect black and white picture indeed. A soccer wife? Hell no. If that means I am financially dependent, have no career of my own and need to focus my life around his job? No thanks, I pass. Do I want my own career? For sure. But I also want a man that can take of me, to a certain extent. I am all for splitting everything 50/50 (my boyfriend and I split the bills, vacation, groceries, etc), except for nights out, he will most likely pay because he earns a lot of money. But I would not feel right if he would pay for groceries, etc. I love having my own money, and that’s why I also do not understand why some women want to be stay at home mothers. This means that if you go shopping, you are shopping with your husband’s money…? Say what? Um, again, I pass. If I buy something for me, it will be my own money that I am spending.

Also, I love being alone. Really, the only true friend I have is my boyfriend. He is my best friend and other than him, there’s no one. I don’t need more people around me. It will only bother me. I don’t understand how some people have active social lives and want to be around others all the time. No, I can be alone perfectly fine!

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1. Noelle
  
  February 10, 2012
  
  That said though, I absolutely want to get married and have children, but I am strong and wise enough to know that it is possible to balance the two. I will not give up my career for my children. I don’t believe that to be healthy, sitting at home, doing dishes, cleaning the house and wiping children’s butts all day long.
  
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  1. indiequeen84
    
    February 10, 2012
    
    Marriage is not something on my bucketlist but it’s not something I will exclude from the possibilities. For me, it really depends on who I end up meeting.
    
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